Portsmouth Getaway: Unbeatable Howard Johnson Deals!
Portsmouth Getaway: Unbeatable Howard Johnson Deals? - My (Unfiltered) Take!
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your standard, sanitized hotel review. This is real talk. I just got back from a little Portsmouth escape advertised as "Unbeatable Howard Johnson Deals!" and, well, let's just say the "unbeatable" part is debatable, and my emotional rollercoaster ride is still chugging along.
SEO & Metadata (Gotta appease the robots, right?):
- Keywords: Portsmouth, Howard Johnson, hotel, deals, review, accessibility, dining, spa, swimming pool, wifi, cleanliness, safety, amenities, family-friendly, [Insert any other Portsmouth-specific attractions nearby].
- Meta Description: Honest review of Portsmouth's Howard Johnson, exploring its features, from accessible rooms and dining to spa services and family amenities. Discover if the "unbeatable deals" live up to the hype!
First Impressions (and the Initial Sigh of Relief):
Okay, so the accessibility part? HUGE win. I actually needed the wheelchair accessible features, and they delivered. The room wasn’t palace-sized (more like, "functional"), but the ramps, the grab bars, the wider doorways? All there. This is a massive plus when you're not exactly a mountain goat. I was seriously relieved. My "accessible" room had all the basics: a roll-in shower that worked (thank heavens), and an actual decent height to the bed. Score one for Howard Johnson.
Accessibility - The Good, The Less-Good, and the Slightly Clunky:
- Wheelchair accessible: Boom! Done. Kudos. Seriously, a huge win here. Made my arrival and stay easy. No awkward contortions or begging for assistance.
- Facilities for disabled guests: Yep, they were available.
- Elevator: Thank God! No lugging myself up flights of stairs.
- Car park [on-site] & Car park [free of charge]: Bonus points! Because let's be honest, hauling luggage is a workout, even without mobility issues.
- The Clunkiness: The ramp to the entrance was a little…steep? But hey, I managed! However, the path to the pool was less than ideal, and there were some awkward little quirks that, while well-intentioned, weren't quite seamless. Don't expect a perfectly smooth ride.
Rooms & Amenities - Where the "Unbeatable Deals" Start to Chip:
Okay, the rooms. They had all the listed available items (see the list below):
- Available in all rooms:
- Additional toilet: Nope, but if you need to go the bathroom, there's a toilet.
- Air conditioning: Yes! And thank goodness.
- Alarm clock: Check
- Bathrobes: Nope.
- Bathroom phone: Nah. Why does anyone need one anymore?
- Bathtub: Not in my accessible room, shower only.
- Blackout curtains: Yes! Crucial for surviving a jet lag.
- Carpeting: Yup, and it wasn't too stained.
- Closet: A decent size.
- Coffee/tea maker: Indeed. Essential for my mornings.
- Complimentary tea: Yes, and some pretty bland coffee.
- Daily housekeeping: They actually did come every day.
- Desk: Standard hotel desk.
- Extra long bed: It was long enough.
- Free bottled water: Two little bottles, that's it.
- Hair dryer: Yes.
- High floor: Nope, but I was okay with that due to being on the first floor!
- In-room safe box: Yep.
- Interconnecting room(s) available: Don't know, didn't ask.
- Internet access – LAN: Didn't try it.
- Internet access – wireless, Wi-Fi [free]: Yes! And it worked.
- Ironing facilities: Yes, and a very ancient looking iron and board in the closet.
- Laptop workspace: Desk, check!
- Linens: Clean enough.
- Mini bar: Nope.
- Mirror: Yes.
- Non-smoking: Yes.
- On-demand movies: Yes, but who actually pays for this anymore?
- Private bathroom: Absolutely.
- Reading light: Yes, though the bulb was a bit dim.
- Refrigerator: It wasn't a mini-fridge.
- Safety/security feature: Smoke detectors, alarms and such.
- Satellite/cable channels: A plethora of channels.
- Scale: Only if you had a private bathroom.
- Seating area: A small sofa.
- Separate shower/bathtub: Not applicable to the room type I had.
- Shower: Yes.
- Slippers: No.
- Smoke detector: Yes.
- Socket near the bed: Only one.
- Sofa: Included in the room.
- Soundproofing: It was decent enough.
- Telephone: Yes.
- Toiletries: Basic.
- Towels: Plenty.
- Umbrella: Ha! Good one. Nope.
- Visual alarm: Not applicable.
- Wake-up service: Yes, though I set my own alarm.
- Window that opens: Yes, good for fresh air.
My room was… fine. Cleanish. Slightly dated. Felt more like a functional motel than a "getaway." The "unbeatable deal" part? It felt like more of a "you get what you pay for" situation. I mean, I appreciated the air conditioning and the blackout curtains (seriously, essential), but the lack of any sort of luxurious touches was a major downer.
Dining & Drinking – The Great Breakfast Debacle (and a Plea for Real Coffee):
Alright, the food. This is where things went… downhill.
- Breakfast [buffet]: They had it.
- Western breakfast: Also had that.
- Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant: Not in stock.
- Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop: The coffee? Watery, weak, and tasted of sadness. The tea was equally disappointing. I literally left the hotel every morning to get a decent cup of coffee. It was that bad.
- Breakfast takeaway service: They offered take away service
- Restaurants, A la carte in restaurant: There were restaurants.
- Room service [24-hour]: Not so much.
- Snack bar, Desserts in restaurant, Soup in restaurant, Salad in restaurant: Did not see soup, salad, or bar.
- Vegetarian restaurant: There were also vegetarian options in the main restaurants.
- Poolside bar, Bar, Bottle of water, Happy hour: Not in stock.
The breakfast buffet was… adequate. Standard scrambled eggs, sad-looking pastries, and the aforementioned coffee disaster. I'm not expecting Michelin-star cuisine at a Howard Johnson, but come on. A decent cup of coffee is a basic human right! (Okay, maybe not, but you get my drift.)
Cleanliness & Safety – Anxiety-Inducing or Surprisingly Okay?
Let's be real: post-pandemic, cleanliness is on everyone's mind.
- Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Professional-grade sanitizing services, Rooms sanitized between stays, Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: They claimed to be doing all of these things.
- Hand sanitizer: Plenty available.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Seemed like it.
- Cashless payment service: Yes.
- Hygiene certification: Nope.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Check.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: They tried.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: Not sure.
- Shared stationery removed: I didn't notice any stationery.
Overall, I felt… reasonably safe, but not completely at ease. The cleaning seemed to be happening, but some areas felt a bit dusty (especially the corners). I didn't see any visible signs of major hygiene breaches, thank goodness, but I also didn't feel like I was in a sterile, hospital-like environment. In short: they were trying, and that's something. But my inner germaphobe remained on high alert.
Spa & Relaxation – Or, Where My Dreams of Bliss Died a Quick Death:
- Pool with view, Sauna, Steamroom, Swimming pool [outdoor], Body scrub, Body wrap, Fitness center, Foot bath, Gym/fitness, Massage, Spa, Spa/sauna, Swimming pool, Ways to relax:
Okay, buckle up, buttercup, because this isn't your grandma's travel itinerary. This is a Portsmouth, New Hampshire, disaster-in-the-making, narrated by yours truly, and planned around a stay at the… well, let's just say ‘economical’ Howard Johnson, shall we? Here goes nothing…
Day 1: Arrival, Annoyance, and the Elusive Ocean
2:00 PM: Check-in at the Howard Johnson (Hotel Nightmare)
- "Alright, first impressions… well, the outside looks like a slightly depressed Lego set. Inside? Let's just say the air conditioning is doing its best, but the ghosts of a thousand cheesy continental breakfasts linger. The front desk guy looked like he'd seen a ghost (maybe of a decent hotel review). He was friendly enough, though, bless him. Got the key, mumbled something about the pool being 'closed for maintenance' (shock, horror!), and bolted for the room."
2:30 PM: Room Reconnaissance (and Mild Panic)
- "The room… oh, the room. It's clean-ish. The TV is older than I am. The carpet? Let's just say I'm considering wearing shoes indoors. But hey, it has a bed! And a faint whiff of chlorine, which I'm guessing is a vestige of a pool that once existed? Anyway, I'm here, and after that drive, I'm not moving until I can get some coffee, which should be an adventure in itself"
3:30 PM: Coffee Hunt (Failed Mission)
- "Thought I'd grab a coffee, right? Nope. No coffee machine in the room, and the 'continental breakfast' looked like a crime against breakfast. That pre-packaged waffle? I shudder at the thought. Okay, plan B. Venture out. Found a Dunkin' Donuts a few blocks away. The line was long. And the donut? Stale. Damn."
4:30 PM: Portsmouth's Charm (Finally!)
- "Finally, some progress. Drove into Portsmouth proper. Cobblestone streets! Cute shops! Historic houses! Suddenly, I felt my grumpiness evaporate. The architecture is genuinely stunning. Walked around Market Square, ogling the boutiques and imagining myself owning a ridiculously expensive sweater."
6:00 PM: Ocean Drive (Epic Fail)
- "Okay, this was supposed to be the highlight: a stunning sunset over the ocean. Found… a parking spot (miracle!). Drove out to Ocean Drive. It was… beautiful. But the sun was playing hide-and-seek behind the clouds. The wind was brutal. And I think I saw a seagull laugh at me when I tried to take a picture. Still, the salty air was nice."
7:30 PM: Dinner at The Black Trumpet (Redemption!)
- "Right, needed a good meal after that ocean disappointment. Booked a table (thank god!) at The Black Trumpet. Oh. My. God. The food! The atmosphere! The wine! Everything was divine. Had the pan-seared scallops, and I swear I could hear angels singing. This saved the day, single-handedly."
9:00 PM: Post-Dinner Stroll (and Bedtime Blues)
- "Strolled back to the hotel, feeling stuffed and happy. Portsmouth's nightlife wasn't quite what I was hoping for (a little sleepy, perhaps?). That hotel room is calling, and it doesn't sound thrilled. Tomorrow. I might need ear plugs."
Day 2: History, Hopelessness, and a Brewery Breakthrough
8:00 AM: Attempt at Continental Breakfast (More Coffee and a Sigh)
- "Against my better judgment, I braved the continental breakfast (again). This time, I brought my own coffee from a local cafe. The options were beyond sad. I will not speak of that sad display of fruit. My heart goes out to anyone who considers that food. Got a yogurt. The only thing edible. Sigh. Okay, let's not dwell."
9:00 AM: Portsmouth Historic District (History Buff Mode)
- "Time to soak up some history. The Portsmouth Athenaeum! The Warner House ! Walked around the historic district, getting lost in the past. It's genuinely fascinating, and seeing the architecture and feeling the weight of history helped me feel… not so terribly alone. The tour guides, bless their hearts, were exceptionally knowledgeable. A much needed dose of culture."
12:00 PM: Lunch at Jumpin' Jays Fish Cafe (Mediocre Mishap)
- "Lunchtime! I thought Jumpin' Jays was supposed to be amazing. It… wasn't. The food was fine, but nothing special. The service was slow. And the ambiance was a little… bland. Okay, maybe I'm just being too critical. I think I need beer."
1:30 PM: Fort Constitution (More History, Less Enthusiasm)
- "Decided to check out Fort Constitution. Again, the history is interesting. But the views from the fort are better than the fort itself. Honestly, it was a bit underwhelming. I did enjoy the sea breeze. I think I may have forgotten my hat…"
3:00 PM: Brewery Tour at Portsmouth Brewery (Brewmaster Bliss!)
- “Okay, this is what I came for! Portsmouth Brewery. Their beers, the tour, the vibe - Perfection! Walked in to the perfect ambiance. The tour guide was hilarious, the beer was cold, and suddenly my mood did a complete 180. I swear, the IPA tasted like sunshine and rainbows. Spent way too much time there, and wouldn't have had it any other way."
6:00 PM: Dinner and Drinks (More Brewery Bliss)
- "Stayed at Portsmouth Brewery for dinner. Ordered a burger. Drank more beer. Talked to some locals at the bar. I left happy, slightly tipsy, and completely in love with Portsmouth."
8:30 PM: Attempted Nightcap (and a Sleepy Conclusion)
- "Thought about a nightcap, but the comfortable bed at the Howard Johnson was calling (and so was the Advil). I think I'm ready for sleep. Tomorrow, who knows what the day has in store?"
Day 3: Departure, Reflections, and a Final, Bitter Coffee
8:00 AM: Continental Breakfast – The Sequel (Surrender)
- "Against my better judgment, attempted the continental breakfast again. Same sad scene. I grabbed a coffee (which was, again, bad). I just put everything on the table and looked at the clock. It said 8:30."
9:00 AM: Last-Minute Souvenir Shopping (Meh)
- "Tried to find a decent souvenir. Ended up in a tourist trap. Bought a tacky t-shirt. Regretted it immediately."
10:00 AM: Final Portsmouth Walk (and a Sigh of Contentment)
- "One last walk through the charming streets. The historic houses. The shops. The salty air. Portsmouth, you've won me over. I'd come back…"
11:00 AM: The Road (and a Coffee Rescue)
- "Hit the road, feeling a mix of relief (to escape the hotel) and sadness (to leave Portsmouth). Stopped at a good coffee spot on the way out. This city is the best part of the trip."
Final Thoughts (and a Bit of Real Talk):
"So, there you have it. My Portsmouth adventure. It wasn't perfect. The hotel was a… character. The food was hit-and-miss. The ocean played hard to get. The coffee was a tragedy. But Portsmouth? Portsmouth was magic. The history. The architecture. The breweries. The people. The beauty. I'd go back in a heartbeat, even if it meant another night in that… charming Howard Johnson. It might be time to write a review."
Knights Inn Punta Gorda: Your Florida Paradise Awaits!
So, what *is* this whole "Portsmouth Getaway" thing anyway? Besides the obvious… "getaway"?
Alright, alright, settle down. Deep breaths. Basically, Portsmouth Getaway is a… well, it's a *deal* on stays in Portsmouth, New Hampshire. Emphasis on the deal. They're supposedly hawking some killer rates at…drumroll please… the Howard Johnson. Yeah, the one with the iconic orange roof. Brings back memories, doesn't it? (For me, it's mostly childhood road trips and the faint smell of chlorine from the pool. Oh, the memories!)
Why Howard Johnson? Is it… you know… *good*? I mean, it *IS* Howard Johnson…
Look, let's be brutally honest here. It's not the Four Seasons, okay? Expecting a Michelin-starred dining experience and a pillow menu is probably setting yourself up for disappointment. BUT! (And this is a big but!) For the price? And for the location? Portsmouth is a *fantastic* city! You're getting *decent* accommodations, a place to crash, and the chance to explore a genuinely cool town. I mean, I went with my best friend, Sarah, last year – it was HELL trying to book it online (more on that later!), but we managed to snag a weekend… and honestly? It was great. Sure, the wallpaper in our room may or may not have been peeling, and the continental breakfast was… well, let's just say I loaded up on those tiny cardboard-like waffles, but the *vibe* of Portsmouth? Unbeatable. Plus, hey, it's a road trip. Some of my best travel moments have been in the most… questionable hotels. It builds character, right? (Or at least gives you a good story.)
What kind of "deals" are we talking about? Like, how cheap are we *really* talkin'?
Okay, this is where it gets interesting. "Unbeatable" is relative, right? They *claim* unbeatable. I saw prices that were pretty tempting, but be warned: the website is a tangled web of upsells and hidden fees. You know the drill. Be prepared to read the fine print like your life depends on it. And compare. Seriously, compare it to other hotels in the area. Sometimes, those "amazing" deals aren't so amazing. BUT, if you're lucky (and persistent), you might snag something seriously sweet. I'm talking *potentially* under $100 a night. Which, in Portsmouth, for a place to sleep and clean up, is pretty darn good.
Okay, I'm intrigued. What's the booking process like? Because websites can be my nemesis.
Oh, honey… This is where things get… *spicy*. Okay, the website. Where do I even begin? It's like they designed it in 1998 and haven't updated it since. Clunky, hard to navigate, and filled with pop-ups that try to sell you everything from travel insurance to… well, I'm not even sure what some of them were. Sarah and I spent a good hour just *trying* to find the actual booking page. Multiple restarts of the laptop were involved. We almost gave up – I was ready to throw my phone. It's a test of your patience, I tell ya. Just… steel yourself. Because honestly, that website's *almost* enough to make you say, "Forget it!" But if you persevere, the reward might be worth it. Just keep breathing and remember, that cheap price is calling your name!
Alright, let's say I survive the website. What's the actual Howard Johnson experience like? Be honest now…
Okay, here's the deal: it's a Howard Johnson. Don't expect a Ritz-Carlton level of luxury. But… and this is what surprised me… it was actually pretty darn clean. The staff were friendly enough, and the location was *amazing*. Seriously. Walking distance to tons of restaurants, shops, and the waterfront. We parked the car and didn't touch it for the entire weekend! Okay, so the room itself was a bit… basic. The TV was ancient (but, honestly, I barely turned it on), but the bed was comfortable enough. The pool? Well… let's just say it was a pool. I wouldn't exactly call it Olympic-size. But, hey, post-exploring, a quick dip? Sure. The breakfast was… yeah. Waffles. Lots of waffles. And those little plastic-wrapped muffins that have the shelf life of a small asteroid. But, honestly, I'm not complaining. I'm a sucker for a lukewarm continental breakfast. Plus, the coffee was strong! And that, my friends, is what REALLY matters in the morning.
What's there to *do* in Portsmouth? Besides, you know, hang out in a Howard Johnson?
Oh, Portsmouth is *fantastic*! Seriously, it's a hidden gem. First off: FOOD! The food scene is incredible. Seafood galore, from casual shacks to upscale restaurants. We ate (and ate and ate) our way through the city. The lobster rolls? To die for. The breweries? Excellent. The shops are adorable, the historic district is charming, and the waterfront is gorgeous. We spent hours just wandering around, soaking up the atmosphere. We took a boat tour, visited the Strawbery Banke Museum (yes, with an "e"), and even caught some live music. It's a city with a lot to offer. Look, I’m not going to lie, it's a city of *character*, and the Howard Johnson? Probably going to serve up a breakfast with character. But you can always get your own coffee from one of the many, many amazing places.
Any tips for getting the *best* deal, and surviving the experience?
Okay, listen up, because I’m about to drop some serious wisdom. First off: Book in advance, but *still* compare prices. Check for hidden fees before you commit to anything. Read the reviews! (Even the negative ones. They'll tell you the real truth.) Be flexible with your dates. Mid-week stays are often cheaper. And most importantly, be prepared to lower your expectations. It's a Howard Johnson. Embrace the imperfections. Pack snacks (because those waffles…), and a sense of humor. Seriously. You'll need it. Oh! And take advantage of that sweet Portsmouth location! Get out there and explore! And if you see a giant orange roof… well, you'll know you're home. (Kinda).
So, is it worth it? Should I book this Portsmouth Getaway/Howard Johnson deal?Your Stay Hub
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